“On behalf of humanity… thank you for coming to couples therapy”

“On behalf of humanity… thank you for coming to couples therapy” 😊.

I surprised myself, saying to a couple throughout a session in a humoristic but real sense.

I’ll do my best to explain what’s behind it. So, this is a bit long…. Bear with me.

Let’s start by talking about a common misconception about relationships: Most people think a relationship should be wonderful: a caring, loving, thoughtful, safe space.

Now, let’s try this logical experiment:

Most people experience in their personal lives: lack of confidence, low body image, mistrust… and so on. So – now – let’s take two of these individuals and put them together in a relationship.


*** bammmm ***



As I see it- it’s BOTH.

In the FALLING IN LOVE phase, we get to experience the miracle.

In the GROWING IN LOVE phase, we get to experience growing pains: the pain of one individual will meet the pain of the other individual. The pains will trigger each other so strongly up to an ‘unbearable’ feeling that will cause a fight or blocking/ withdrawal. Now, these two particular pains can be an ongoing fight, can be suppressed (and turn into an inner pain) or can cause the relationship to break.


the conflict can be addressed and resolved and life can continue with more pleasurable moments.

Resolving the pain isn’t as easy as it sounds, since the pain stems from deep unconscious levels that are not accessible to the two, since if they were – they wouldn’t be in this pain to start with.

It is so complex, so- for now- to simplify it- I will just put here Freud’s concept of the Repetition Compulsion, which basically means that throughout life we will repeat the same relational conflicts again and again with the hope of fixing it. But that of course mostly doesn’t happen.

Those are the conflicts that are resolved through couples therapy in a gentle and delicate way.

I want to make it clear that having these conflicts doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or the relationship. You are embodying humanity. And these conflicts are part of the conflicts that humanity is dealing with at this point in time. By addressing and resolving- you are taking humanity one step further in its evolution. One step further in healing connections between one another, one step further in love. ONE STEP FURTHER IN MAKING THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

So “On behalf of humanity… thank you for coming to couples therapy” 😊.

Ronit Haase

Couples therapist

Author of ‘Your Happily Ever Love List’- a workbook for couples: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Happily-Ever…/dp/9659296312

Website: www.ronithaase.com

Feel free to contact me regarding couples therapy or for guidance on how to work with the workbook.

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