You got married and just had your first child. Your child is around 1-2 years old, and your marriage is… well… going downhill.

Why? And what can you do?

Let’s try and understand what is going on.

1. We are meant to live in a tribe, where kids grow up with nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, grandparents and… well- you get the picture. In Today’s world of the nuclear family, all the load is on the shoulders of 2 people. Add to that work, financials, and you got yourself… well… just too much…
2. One of the consequences of the nuclear family- is that parenting is not familiar to most parents, and having a first child is learning everything there is to know from scratch. It’s like starting to write a Ph.D. on parenthood. Only that… everyone has to do this Ph.D. Weird, isn’t it? Having a small, delicate little thing totally dependent on us when we know so little can easily raise anxiety levels. High anxiety levels can easily revert us back to old patterns (of ourselves, or of our parents).
3. Having a child stirs things up for us as to how we were raised as children. We tend to desperately try to create a better reality for our children, better than what we received. But… there’s the paradox- we don’t know how. We have a certain bodily memory- and that is what we know. Now, in order for our children to have a better life, we need to heal these childhood wounds within ourselves. Once that is done- the healed parts will be handed over to our children. This requires awareness, self-observation, and making the change on us!
4. Due to all the above reasons the tension of the relationship rises, and we can stay helpless and desperate. This can cause a withdrawal, a fight, or a ‘shut-down’- and this can be what we can experience from our partner, which is very painful. It can easily create an ongoing cycle.
5. If you can relate to any of the above- ‘knowledge is power’. Know and understand the processes that you are going through (and that almost everyone else is), take a deep breath, and do what it takes to create a better world for your family.
6. Remember that you are humanity itself healing itself. And that is amazing.
7. Remember that you are loved. You are just healing a wound right now, and that’s the growing pains that you are going through.
8. You Are Loved.